Monday, November 27, 2006

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Red pill...or blue pill...

Sorry about that bloggers. If the last entry sounded like I stopped in the middle it's because I did & this is the first chance I've gotten to come back to it. I'm not done with the recap of my movie shooting experience but then again nor am I done with the movie. Now I have the arduous task of promoting this thing & only get one shot to do it. This coming Thursday is when the movie is being shown. I had the idea to give away little orange juice boxes with a sticker of the movie across the label but don't have the vehicular means nor the funds to jump it off. So Noch & I came up with the idea of giving away coupons for orange juice, them making our own coupons with a link to the you tube site. SO at this point I don't know what we're doing. On top of all that I still don't have a car & I haven't gotten more than 4 hours sleep consecutively in the last two weeks & I've been working 12 to 15 hours a day trying to make enough money to afford the car & move out of Queue's house. Am I tired? Yes. Can I stop yet? No. I gave Noch & Erin my word that I would help them & that's what I have to do. I spent the greater part of Monday night Tuesday morning editing the photos I took so they could be sent to the company spearheading the competition. Quita is a little worried about me but what I don't think she understands (nor does she want to) is that I need to do this. I have to keep myself exhausting busy. Too busy to think straight because if I'm still enough I will start to allow myself to think about the things I'm lacking in my life & quite frankly I don't want to be depressed right now. I'm not a productive depressed person. All I ever want to do is sleep & not move. I can feel myself slipping that way & I'm trying to fight it by keeping myself busy. When I'm busy I don't have time to think about what I haven't done or what I don't have. When my body crashes I don't remember my dreams. Actually I work in my dreams. Which can sometimes backfire because I'll sometimes think I've already done something & really I haven't. I did allow myself to think a little on Sunday, while I was in the shower. It was right after we dropped off the film, Erin took me to Queue's & I it was the rare occasion when no one cooked on Sunday. I hadn't eaten anything substantial since maybe Friday & was starving. I thought it would be nice if I had a companion to come home to after the film was over to have a hot meal, a hot shower, & could just sit in his lap & unwind till my body gave out. But I don't have that & I didn't get the hot meal I had in mind. I had a piece of pizza which was in no way what I wanted. So I just stayed up till about 1am & then went to bed. Don't get me wrong I don't mind not having someone in my life for that but just sometimes I think it would be nice if I did.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The reason for my dementia

Ok, ok so I didn't post every day like I thought I was going to be able to, sue me. I've had a really long week which is part of why I didn't post every day but hey, I think I'm getting better. At least I've started posting every week. I really need to do this post thing cause soooo much has gone down since last week.
Where do I begin?
We'll start with the car. I kinda suspected I wasn't getting the loan with West End Motors. They have really good cars, but the guy I was working with the first time is a total doodie head & he actually hung up on Raquita & myself when we called to get some info. They refused to give me the finance info over the phone & when I went to the office to speak to the manager, he took for ever & I didn't end up talking to him at all because I was using Quita's grandmother's car to get down there which I was a little weary bout asking for in the first place. Got the run around for another week & was finally told they couldn't do anything for me. I think by now I'm use to the car dealers saying no by now. It doesn't hurt as much. I was taking it a little personally but I think I'm immune. Immune or totally pessimistic I can't decide which. Anyway, I was talking to my friend Billy & he gave me the number of his friend who works for Nissan. Yeah baby, that's right, Nissan. We all know how the Spoken feels about Nissan. SO I call him & tell him everything wrong with my credit just like I've told everyone else. Just like everyone else he tells me I have to come in to fill out an app. Long story short with this one, I got financed under some contingencies but they haven't found a car in the proper price range that won't cripple me financially especially with the amount of interest I'm gonna be charged. Now I'm just waiting for them to say no.
The money I thought I was going to get from my cousin I didn't get & first the check I got from work since coming back to work was a little depressing. I knew it was going to be small but it included a holiday. However, I forgot that my Nazi job calculates the amount of your holiday pay by the last two checks & gives you a percentage from that. Which normally wouldn't be so bad except & didn't work the last two checks because of my surgery. And you know what I say to that? Curse you Aqua Scum! Not only that but I was counting on working overtime for the next two weeks till the new training class got out but found out today that OT was canceled because management seems to feel we have enough associates on staff to cover the call volume. Again, curse you Aqua Scum! So while I was working my job here like I worked a 2nd part time gig, 6 hours from 8am to 2pm & then working my normal shift from 2:30p till 11p. Sometimes I 'd work till 12:30am if I got a ride by my favorite white lady (his name is Eric, yes I said he) but now when current events being what they are I think I may have to get like a fast food gig or something close till I; 1)get a car of my own and/or 2) get a better job. Moving on...
This past week-end was really interesting. I assisted a couple of friends with a film competition & it was really fun. But let me back up. I have this friend named Enoch, right & he's is this sick DJ. He's great. He's half the reason I can't get out of Legacy at a decent hour, ya know, on top of me not having a car & all. Anyway, last year I had to talk him out of walking off this project he was doing the musical score for because he got mad frustrated with the director. There is this company or something that has this short film competition every year. They give you 48 hours (from 7pm on Friday till 7pm on Sunday) to write, cast, shoot, edit, & score a movie. The film has to be from 4 to 7 minutes long & it HAS to be turned in by 7:30:59 (they are oh SO serious about that time shit). So Noch was on this crew last year & did all this work & they didn't get the film in on time so they couldn't compete in any of the awards. He almost walked off last year, it was crazy. Ok so I wound up at the wrap party when it was over last year & ,met his friend Erin. He was kinda cute, gave REALLY great hugs. Long story short, tried to start a thing,thing didn't work, I thought he was a jerk face, & I ended up working with him on this project this year. Found out he has a girlfriend. I was like YO, he coulda told me that shit a long time ago. It wasn't like I wanted to marry him or anything but just be upfront about your stuff. It's all I'm saying. Moving forward to this year. Noch gave me a call in the beginning of April & asked me to help with the. I thought he wanted me to act but he wanted me to do the admin side of things& I was like, "sure". It's what I do best. Yeeeaahh, how 'bout, the closer it came for the contest to start, the crazier it got. The funny thing is I thought I was prepared for the crazy. When people asked me what it was like I would tell them it's like when hospitals prepare for a 32 car pile up on the freeway, I'm just waiting for the bodies to show up. That's the truest assessment I can give cause that's exactly what it was like. I'll say this, you can only prepare for so much & the rest is up to the universe.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Just another Manic Monday

Today is Monday & I really think I'm dyslexic cause I've been typing things backward all day. Nothing really exciting happened today all though today marks the first in a long three weeks to come. My intention is to work as much overtime at work that I can so I can put more money down on my car (which I hope to have by Friday) & start saving again to finally get a place of my own. Cause no matter how you want to slice it a grown ass woman has no place living with anyone who isn't a room mate. I miss having my own space. Sometimes I would like to walk into a house of complete silence & know it will last longer that an inhale. Then again, I think once I'm gone I'll start to miss the noise. I did miss Cammie the first week I came back to work & I didn't think I would. She was sleep when I went to work & she's sleep by the time I get back to Queue's so the only time I get to hear her yell at me is on the weekends. I made the mistake of letting her sleep with me this past Saturday. See, she wakes up before everyone on the weekends which I think she does on purpose cause during the week she will sleep till about 8 or 9 in the morning. On the week-end though, she has no qualms about waking up at 4 & 5 o'clock in the morning. Now if you're cognizant enough you can giver what she wants & she'll go back to sleep (i.e. juice, binky, diaper change) pretty basic. I on the other hand usually have just gotten to sleep & can't will my body to get up half the time, not all the time but half. Like this past Saturday, Cammie had woke up at like 5am. I woke up to her laying on my chest lifting my eyelid with her fingers saying, "Nee Nee, mornin, Nee nee. Wake up, mornin". So being the the nocturnal Nee Nee that I am I give her a kiss on the cheek and coheirs he into laying down with me, and it worked. The down side to this however is like most children she's a wild sleeper so on this queen size futon mattress I am shoved on the edge against the cold wall. Cammie, on the other hand, is sleeping quite comfortable horizontally with her head in back so I couldn't roll over. Because clearly (insert English accent here) my back is where the child head is suppose to go. Dude, I must really love that kid. Come to find out Quita saw me & Cammie & did nothing to help me, loser that she is. She said she just shook her head & said to herself, "stupid Nee Nee Spoken". It's ok, she's a good kid I still don't want one though.
I didn't hear anything back from West End Motors but I did call my friend Billy's friend named Brian. He works for Nissan I think which is great because I love Nissans. I explained to him the spiel I've given all the dealers & like all the other dealers he doesn't want to do anything till he sees my credit report. But the possible upside to this is since I went to another Lou Fusz car place he may be able to get the credit info from there without having to run my credit & further lower my score. Hey I also got approved for a credit card (yeah me) & will be able to start building my credit history. It's not a big limit ($200)which is fine but I find it funny cause my first bill is going to be $150. It tickles me when I think about it but then I die a little inside. Being a grown up suck hard. I don't want to do it anymore.
For my own amusement today I went to & updated my wish list. Most of it consist of movies today. Then I hit pay dirt, I found all these old cartoons that I loved as a kid. Am I going to buy them? Uhhhhmmmm, yeah, hell's yeah.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Weekend Wrap Up

So the post that comes before this one is really from this past Wednesday. Since I can't get to this site at work anymore I have had to write my post as a draft in my email & then copy them to the blog. Trivial, I know, but I find that if I don't get my thoughts down I'll lose them & that was the whole reason I was suppose to get this blog in the first place, right?
As you all know I've bee trying to get a car & it's the first time I have had to do anything like this before by myself, fort of. I've been thinking a lot lately & I really don't know where I would be without Queue's help. Like for the serious she's helped me more than I care to admit & I will never be able to repay her no matter how hard I try. This whole car thing has got me somewhat distraught. I really want a car, hell I really need a car. I just didn't think buying a car would be this hard. I'm entirely too pessimistic to do this. I hate to admit it, but this has been the month of reflection. I've never bought a car before. This is going to be my first big purchase. I think car dealer sign away their souls when they get the job. Cause the dealer I've been trying to go through has been really adamant about putting me in a cars that are total crap. I will be the first to say that I don't know a whole lot about cars, not really. I know what I like & what I don't. What I'm willing to pay for & what I'm not. However at this point I just want them to either tell me they can get me the car I'm looking for or give me back the down payment check I wrote them so I can start my search all over again. Don't worry it was on;y $30.
Work is work, nothings changed much there. It was my first week back after my surgery & I gotta say my company will hire just about anybody. I say that because I have met the new training class that got out after I left & they are some of the rudest, most ghetto folks I've ever worked with. My manager got assigned to a different project for reasons I cannot divulge. And all of the 'seasoned' associates are leaving for other jobs on a weekly bases. There is mad overtime that, frankly, I'm too tire to work but will do so so I can get out of my friends house before we no longer like each other. That would be tragic.
I need to go back to last Sunday for a minute because I'm a total psycho. My friend Enoch asked me to do admin work for this film competition next weekend which I don't mind doing but my resources are a little limited. Anyway, I was really mean to Jerry, Queue's husband, without really meaning to be. I needed some copies for a meeting that couldn't be started without them & in the process of having to swallow my limitations I was inadvertently mean to Jerry. Not really his fault because I know he has a short attention span & unless he does what ever you ask him too right then he'll move on to something else & completely forget about what he was doing for you. Not intentionally of course but I find that the more creative you are the higher your ADD is. I'm starting to worry about my friendship with Que. I would hate to think I'm wearing out my welcome but I've been in her house now for almost two months. Her house is literally Grand Central Station. There is always people coming into & out of their house. They've got to be sick of it, I know I would be. I think their hearts are just too big. They want to help everybody & Queue has this I -need-to-take-care-of -everybody disease that I think her family takes advantage of. I'm starting to think I'm taking advantage but I don't know how. I'm still trying to be as inconspicuous as I possibly can be. This must be what it's like to live in a big close nit family. I'm not that close with my real family & that's partly my fault. I haven't decided yet if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
No matter what I will post something all next week. I have a feeling I'm going to need it.

The year of the Snake

Yes I know it really isn't he Chinese year of the snake but that's kinda how I feel today. I've been going on this rediscovering myself kinda journey & I swear the person I've turned out to be is kind of a punk. Queue saidd I need a spine & she's right. I'm not assertive enough when it come to dealing with my own stuff but if someone is depending on me I will walk through fire & spit glass for those I care about if they're in any kind of need. It's backward, I know, but I don't know what to make of it. I kinda feel like the character Jun from the book the Joy Luck Club, by Amy Tan ( I love her) not knowing what she was worth & all. I'm not trying to sound like a myrtr or anything at this point it's just how I feel.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006


So I think I want to try to get back to the basics of being me. What does that mean? Well, I was talking to my friend Floyd's fiancé & to be honest I forget what we were talking about that lead to this conversation but I finally admitted out loud, to a third party (not in my head, ha-ha) that I don't like myself. I did it before I realized it & once it was out I had no choice but to recognize it as true. Floyd's girl (Capital J) got this look on her face of utter disbelief, like she couldn't possibly believe I of all people had just said that. But the more I thought about it the more I realized it was true. I use to like myself about five years ago. I was comfortable in the skin I was in. I had set some long & short term goals & they were coming along really well. I had a really great job that I loved & was growing in the company, networking, etc. I didn't have a boyfriend but had a really close circle of friends that didn't make me feel like an outsider.

I guess it's time to tell you now that I have a thing fir Johns. Not the slang word for pimp but for guys named John. Trust & believe me when I say it's not intentional it just seemed to work out that way. I have had two very important Johns in my life, there are three total. The first two have been the most important to me. The third...not so much. However, I must mention that not only are they named John but they were all also born under the sign of Cancer. I know, I know, I should have learned my lesson after the first one but I'm a glutton for punishment. Clearly (Insert English accent here)
I've known John the 1st since I was in Kindergarten. For the longest time while we were growing up I use to beat him up for trying to touch my no-no spots right then he got too fast for me to beat up & then I started to stay in the library during recess. But in between growing up & moving away somehow we always ran into each other again. To speed this thing along we ended up dating for almost a year & a half when I moved back to Las Vegas. It was the closest I had ever come to being in some semblance of a serious relationship. We talked about getting married, looked a rings, & since he's a carpenter he wanted to build our house so we started to look at property lots. I took care of the financial side of our 'household', helped & supported him in the legal drama with his first daughters mom (remember that). I really thought that I was what he wanted. Deep down though I knew he wasn't what I wanted, not really. He was safe; I knew that no matter what happened in my life if I needed him he would be there. So I settled..and lost. John had never really been a religious person & I bought tickets for himself & his friend to this summer concert that Vegas has every year. Little did I know at the time he had met someone there. I have to admit women are really sneaky when it comes to getting the men they want. She introduced him to the Jehovah’s Witness religion & he really tried to get into it but he got caught up & she ended up pregnant, & being new to the Witnesses he thought he was doing the right thing by marrying her. However to do that the first fiancée clearly (insert English accent here) had to go (that was me) I was hurt I admit but again I knew that by marrying him in the first place I was settling for something & someone that didn't compliment me. It took a while & some serious heartbreak (I'll get to that) to get over what he did. I still talk to him & I'll always love him. He has since gotten divorced & had three other children on top of the one he already had. Two are from his wife & the other one, well, isn't from his wife. He's a really great dad when the women he has children by allow him to be. It hurts me to see him unhappy especially when it comes to his kids. I have seen first hand what the judicial system does to fathers in custody battles, two words, not hot. Family is really important to him & to be honest I think he only wanted to marry me because I was the only person in his life that was ever loyal to him without berating him for his short comings. I talked to him today in fact I he asked me to move back to Vegas, help him save some money so he (sorry, we) could move to the Philippians in two years. He's a great guy just wasn't the man for me. His birthday is on the 28th of June by the way.
Now the next John a whole different kind of Cancer but I'm tired it's been a long day. I haven't forgotten the things I wrote in the first paragraph I'll get to it. Remember, I'm a scatter-brain I'll always come back to my original thought. I have a lot more to say don't worry.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Tagged by J

I AM: Tired. Tired of not doing the things I really want to do . Tired of not being able to do the things a really need to do. Tired of being tired.

I WANT: to get a car & an apartment so I can stop feeling like a burden on my friends. they say I'm not but sometimes I really don't believe them.

I WISH: I could be more openly agressive. I'm passive aggressive in spades. Hopefully no one will challenge me.

I HATE: asking for help. I know that no one can do it alone but I really want to try. I also hate the fact that I feel like a scared punk most of the time.

I MISS: the confident, formidable, eloquent, positive person I was before I had my heart broken

I HEAR: the voices in my past taunting me, calling me useless

I WONDER: if God gave out written post-its with advice written on them would anyone believe they were really from Him and would they take the advice written

I REGRET: not knowing or liking my blood relatives more

I AM NOT: going to allow myself to give up on me

I DANCE: whenever the music in my head turns on

I SING: for real, only when no one is around or when Cammie wakes up in the middle of the night

I CRY: a lot more than I'll ever be willing to admit

I AM NOT ALWAYS: as strong as everyone thinks I am

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: crocheted blankets & scarves. I'll alter a t-shirt with a pair of scissors in a minute

I WRITE: not as often as I use to. It use to come to me in my sleep & keep me awake. Now I don't sleep & nothing comes

I CONFUSE: myself

I NEED: to sleep without taking pills

I SHOULD: be a lot farther in my life than I am

I START: doubting my ablities, get discouraged, stop trying, get motivated again, rinse, repeat
I FINISH: as much as I can. Insomnia has it's perks.

I TAG: Sometimes Jerry and Raquita, Evan,and Ida

Monday, May 15, 2006

Won't you take me to Funky Town

Sooo, just about everybody I know is in a bit of a funk, including myself, I'm a little depressed to admit. We all have our varied reasons but I find that since I can't get myself out of myown funk I can't help my friends. I can't seen to get a handle around what it is specifically it just seems as though there are a lot of little things growing into a big thing that I can't stop from happening. It's a familiar feeling though, I know what's coming & the last time it happend I end up losing some really great people that I considered family. To be fair to myself though I did warn them when it was coming & like the great people that are they said they were going to fight me for me & not allow me to get away from them but they lost. I fell & we're not as close as we use to be. The mother of one of these formidable people died & I wasn't able to console her in any way. I did call though to let her hear my voice & show what little support I could but I haven't talked to them, really talked to them in a long time. Sometimes I find that I miss them more than I ever wanted to admit to myself. The fault is mine & mine alone but I miss them none the less.
I've been trying to get a car now for the last few weeks & it hasn't been successful. I now my credit is bad but as Raquita pointed out there are people out there driving Escalades & Navagators that work at McDonalds. So why can't I get one? I don't even want anything that big just something I can drive around in long enough to get a better job thus getting a better car. I'm trying to be positive but it isn't working. I try to be an outward pessimist but an inward optimist however puting good thoughts in the universe has to be done verbally, I think, & right now my mind can't harnest enough positive energy to do th at. And the funk deepends...
So I come back to this post the folloing day on 5/17 after I stopped updating the people I'm staying with came home. Now I tried my best to kind of straighten up a bit & hope it was effective. Still in my funk I go to lay down. Laying down didn't work so I went for a walk. A Forest Gump kind of walk. At first I was only going to go to the end of the block but then I thought I would walk a few blocks to my friends house, remembered that I didn't know the house number so I just kept walking. Before I got to the end of the street Quita calls I tell her I'm fine & continue walking. I end up at Tower Grove park & still I walk. I walk until I feel alone enough that the only witnesses to my grief are the trees & they wouldn't tell. I hate it when I cry & figured the farther I was from the house the more it was okay if I did. I learned at a young age how to cry silently so no one would hear me. I walk back to the house.
I wish I knew how to help my friend. She is by far a better woman than I am on so many levles. I told herr once that I was a fraud. I only throw money at my friends problems. I know all of these amazing amazing people & there are times were I think they'll find out that I'm not nearly as cool as they are & they'll ask me to leave. Kinda like I'm crashing a party that I for serriously wasn't invited to & will mingle here & there inthe coversations but no enough for anyone to know that I'm not suppose to be there for real. I don't care what Tina Marie says I hate Funky Town.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

The Day Reservered for Mothers

So it just dawns on me a few days ago that this Sunday is Mother's Day & that go me thinking, I have seven women that I call Mom. Eight if you count my own birth mother. Which makes me think I’m over compensating, just a bit? I care about all my moms. A few of them I haven't seen in years but if I should ever walk through the door I would be treated just like the daughters they gave birth to, including the discipline. So this post is about the women that have helped shape me into the person I am today.
The mother I know the least about is my friend Connie's mom. I call her mom because of her daughter. See, her daughter & I used to work together & we got to be really close & one day we were arguing back & forth so animatedly that one of our co-workers asked us if were married since we were fighting like married couples do. We stopped arguing, looked at our co-worker, looked at each other, & replied yes at the same time. Since then I call her my wife. I think I'm one of the few heterosexual women that actually have a wife & no husband outside of maybe Utah, maybe. Anyway the first time I met Connie's mom she introduced me as her wife. It was hilarious because unlike me, my Connie is bi-sexual & has seriously dated girls in the past so her mom was use to it. She was just a little upset that she wasn't invited to the 'wedding'. Anyway that's one of my first moms. Truth be told I don't even remember her first name (sorry Connie) I've always just called her mom. She's a special one. I'm worried about her currently because she's been sick a long time. There have been ups & downs (mostly downs) were her health is concerned & it takes a large toll on Connie's health. She feels like she is the only person her mom has since here sister isn't the most responsible person. It wouldn't be so bad except Connie has serious health issues of her own & she doesn't have anyone that can hold her burdens while she takes care of her moms. I worry about her like crazy & wish there was some way I could help.
Now, these moms are in no particular order of importance, not really. I care about all my moms. The next one is Mother Engert, my friend Terry's mom. She's a kicky old lady, I like her. She helped me out a lot when I lived here before. It was during the summertime & I had my first apartment that had no central air. Not only did it not have central air it didn't have a cooling unit either. So she let me stay over her house during the summer, a lot. Not only that but Terry & her mom integrated me into their family. Terry knows that I'm not into family gatherings of my own & the family I did have in St.Louis at the time didn't do anything for the holidays so she carted me off to just about every big gathering her family had. Terry had a BIG family, huge. She has so many nieces & nephews that have birthdays in the month of February they have one big party for them all. There are so many grandchildren that they have their own Easter egg hunt. They draw names in December so everyone doesn’t go bankrupt getting presents for everyone. And then there was me the black sheep of the family, literally. I was the only piece of color that family has. It started to be this running joke between us to make these off color remarks because it infuriated one of her sister in-laws. Her sister in-law Mary always tried to be uber conservative & never offend anybody. Anyway, Mother Engert is a really nice Lutheran mom. I got to see what happens when children get to curse at their parents. I was an experience, one I had never tired but an experience none the less.
Allow me a small digression for a moment to say this; there are a few words and/or phrases that I think are used a little too freely or loosely. For example, 'I'm fine'. Half the time people who ask how another is doing don't really care, they just use it as a space filler. Try answering something different than the normal & see the glazed look form over they're eyes. They won't see it coming & won't know what to say. I've done it, it's hilarious. 'I love you'. I won't go into too much detail about this misused phrase. That's a whole post in itself. 'Best friend'. What qualifies someone to be a best friend? Does a certain amount of time have to pass? Money exchanged, situations endured together, what? I found out the other day that I'm the best friend of someone that I never called my best friend. Is that allowed? Can you have a best friend in every state you lived in & if that's so does your best friend in one state have to be best friends with the 'best friend' in the other state. What qualifies someone as your best friend? When do they stop being considered your best friend? Is there a best friend rule book somewhere I could read up on this?
I say all that to say this, I count myself extremely fortunate to be able to call the same three women my best friends. Actually I haven't called them my friends in a while. They're my sisters. I'll admit we're not as close as we use to be but they've been there for me since we were in high school, their moms too. Delana's mom, Momma Jones, was the quiet type of church going mom. She didn't say much & was always kind of reserve. However, hell hath no fury if you ever should happen to find yourself on the bad side of that woman. She can get with the best of them & come out on top. I learned quiet but deadly patience from her. I haven't talked to her in a while, I miss her. Momma Sykes, Paulette's mom I sometimes think I love more than my own. She has chastised & supported me in the same breathe. She was the one who stayed with me during my surgery. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for that woman. Now she is not the one to be crossed. There is nothing silent about her fury. She is the commander & chief make no mistake. If I'm able to retain half the strength that woman has I consider myself very lucky. We never called Quiana's step-mom mom. We always called her Sherri. Shee...she was always well coordinated, yeah.
Next there's Dale. Dale was one of my father's girlfriends when I was entering my mid-teen years. I never called her mom but she was my acting mom for a while. She taught me it was okay if I had expensive taste. That there was nothing wrong with that. My dad was overly thrifty & since I was the oldest I had it engrained in me to think of everyone & not just myself. So if I had to compromise my wants for the greater good of the younger siblings then that's what I did. Dale taught me it was okay to be selfish sometimes. She taught me womanly classiness. All of my feminine ways I owe to her. I haven't talked to her in a while either. My since of loyalty was split when she & my dad broke up cause I cared about her a lot (still do) but at the same time I didn't want to make my dad uncomfortable.
The other moms I have are just in name only, sort of. Momma Faye is my Cousin Kelly's mom. Why don't I call her aunt, because Kelly really isn't my cousin? She is the former college roommate of my real cousin's husband's sister who also use to be my real aunt's (real cousin's mother) sister in-law (did you get all that)? Momma Faye is great, kooky, but great. The lady can cook her ass off, ya hur me. Oh my god, her gumbo for Thanksgiving is off the banger. Mommy Linda is the god-sister of my grandmother. God-sister or play-sister I can never remember. But I've always called her Mommy Linda. I'm her favorite out of my grandmother's grandchildren. At least that's how I remember it. She gave me my first few taste of alcohol. Her drink of choice was E&J and Coke over ice. She's as crazy as my grandmother use to be.
My ex-boyfriend's mother I had to stop calling mom, well, for obvious reasons. I think maybe because her age was more near my grandmothers than my mom's I saw her in more of that role than of s motherly kind. I use to take care of her as much as I could. I would put small increments of money in her account so she could do things she wanted to do & that she had to do because her kids, with the exception of her youngest son (the one I was dating) were also of significant age & couldn't help. I didn’t do it a lot just a few times. She wasn't always the most pleasant woman but now knowing her son the way I do I know why. As with the going trend of this post I haven't talked to her in a while either. Again, for obvious reasons. Her son broke my heart & she knows that. From the last time I did talk to her I think he broke hers too.
And then there is my birth mother, Shari. It used to be pronounced Sherry but from what I was told it was changed when she was in cosmetology school. I stopped typing this post & came back to it because I know I was nearing the point where I would have to talk about my own mother. But truth be told I really don't know what to say about her. I know that I miss the person she was & am intolerable off the person she's become. I sat & thought for hours but couldn't remember any good memories about my mom without the not so good ones infiltrating my though patterns. She's my mother. She's the person who carried me in her womb & took care of me till she wasn't able to anymore. I am her oldest child & will try my best to take on that role in whatever capacity the situation calls for. I realized long ago (without getting into too much detail) that you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. She's my mom & I just want her to be okay.
So there is my tribute to all of my moms in recognition of their day. Each one has touched my life in so many ways & many continue to do so. Thank you ladies for everything.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

A small note

The date for 5 minutes with Spoken is incorrect. I did it today. Don't know how to fix that though.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

5 minutes with Spoken

5 minutes with Spoken

If money didn't matter what would you do with your life? I would spend my life learnng foreign languages & then going to those countries to live for at least 2 years taking pictures & emersing myself in the different cultures

What's the biggest misconception about you? That I'm intimidating & a snob. I think I'm just direct. Direct & won't accept anything less than what I feel I deserve.

Beauty or brains? Brains. Beauty fads, & anyone who says other wise has probably had plastic surgery so their beauty isn't pure anymore.

What is your weapon of choice? Jedi mind trick, the 1 inch punch, and/or the 12 step death combo from Kill Bill 2

Who was your first celebrity crush? Sphen (?) from Voltron. I know he was a cartoon but he was really cute. Don't judge me :)

What's your family's nickname for you? Mostly it's Niescee ( I chose how I wanted it spelled). Although the younger cousins call me Niece or Ni Ni.

What is your most embarrassing guilty pleasure? Potatoes. I love potatoes. French fries, mashed, baked,smashed, fried. I know it one of the few vegatables that aren't that healthy for you but I could eat them every day & be totally content. Diebetic, but content.

What's the last book you've read? It's A Sistah Thing, by Monique R. Brown. It helped me understand & deal with my fibroid tumors.

Name one thing that scares you? Dying alone & no one knowing it's happend. Then no one caring that it has.

What's the biggest mistake you've made? Putting my families well being before my own. I use to let my families opinion of me direct how I did things. There approval ment everything to me. As long as they were okay, it didn't matter if I was.

Who would you cast to play you in a movie about you? Theresa Randle. She's the actress best know from the Spike Lee movie Girl 6. I think she's beautifully tragic

If you ran for President of the United States, who would be your running mate? Oprah she's the most powerful black woman in the world. She has the money, the contacts, & reputation to pull it off.

Who is your favorite TV mom? Claire Huxtable, the Cosby show . She was never afraid to actually gt with the kids when they were being sassy mouthed.

What's the fastest way to pick a fight with you? Physically harm any of the people I hold dear to my heart, then run.

If you could tell one person to shut up, who would it be? Bush

Who would you die for? The same people I would fight for.

Name one celebrity whom you would never procreate under any circumstances? The list is a lot shorter if it asked who I would.

It would be an honor if some said my writing/poetry reminded them of_____________. Nikki Giovanni

Name one sex act you would never perform if you were the opposite sex? I don't think I'm knowledgable enough in the various sexual discrepencese to no what I would & wouldn't try.

Would you ever pose for Playgirl/Playboy? If I had a kick ass trainer first & was offered a heafty sum of money

When was the last time you cried? Right after I was released from the hospital & I felt like an invalid because I couldn't move. It was the first time in my adult life I wasn't the person taking care of someone.

What's the greatest personal tragedy you've ever experienced? The mental & spiritual death of the person I use to be. I was comfortable in my own skin, motivated in the path my life was going, & gtowing as a poet. When it all went away I had to face the truth that I was more like my mother in her negative traits that I had ever concieved as possible. I still don't know how to get back.

Complete this sentence: By this time next year______________. I hope I am no worse off than I already am, moving into my first house.

And the beat goes on

Ok, so I'm not so good at posting every day. I'll even go so far to say I'm not good at posting every week. But I'll try to get better. I have made the decision to not post the rest of my surgery saga in detail for the soul purpose in being I waited too long to post it & now quite frankly I just really don't have the drive to do so. I will sum up though. I figure it's the least I can do. Kinda like skipping to the end of a movie so you can see what happened instead of watching the whole thing from beginning to end.

So the Friday before surgery I already talked about. Now the following Saturday wasn't as bad but still not one of my favorites. I had to do to work & it was going to be the last day that I'd be working. I had been working mad overtime cause like all fairly young people I didn't sign up for long term disability insurance at work. Because, let's face it, how many late 20 something’s with no children plan ahead for tragedy. Not many & I'm not one of them. Well, not always, anyway my job was short staffed & the new training class hadn't come out yet so we had unlimited overtime. Well I had been working 12-14 hour days for a few weeks straight trying to save some money for the six weeks my doctor said I would be out of work. On top of that by the time I go back to work I need to have a vehicle & an apartment. However, the Nazi loser best friend of mine named Raquita wouldn't me work anymore overtime. Why does she get to tell me what to do you may ask? Well since we all know I don't have a car of my own, I'm playing Scarlet O'Hara & must "... depend on the kindness of strangers." She's my ride on Saturdays & wouldn't take me sooner than I was scheduled. But when I got there I was asked to be a floor walker after the team manager left for the evening till the night lead came in. Won't go into detail what all that is but I will say it's a bit of a pain since I have found the older people get the less likely they are to willingly take orders (for lack of a better word) from someone younger than they are. In the mist of this oh so pleasant day (flag), Quita calls me to let me know that the hospital had yet another system crash & all my info was lost, again. So I had to go back to the hospital sometime before my surgery on that Monday to get more blood work done. Nice (Big flag).
Moving on to Sunday. A few things to note about this day; 1) it’s Sunday & it just so happens to be Easter. 2) I'm in ass backward St. Louis & EV-ER-Y-THING is closed. Like it's Christmas or something. Understanding of course that it's to commemorate the same person but COME ON.
Look, I lived in Vegas for a long time so I'll admit I'ma little spoiled when it come to things always being open when I need them so this kinda cheesed me off real nice. Why? I had been trying for a while to get this flash for Quita's birthday, researched it & everything. Knew where I could pick it up a little cheaper than what she & I had found on the net, had a contact that said I could use his discount (groovy), & we're clear to go. I had to get it done before my surgery because it was suppose to be a surprise & anyone who knows this wanker knows that it is damn near impossible to surprise this girl. That & I wasn't going to be mobile before she was going to need the flash for a job. She's an absolute fabulous photographer, not that she'll ever admit it herself. And please let’s not forget I still have to go back to the hospital to get everything done all over again. To sum it all up, I never got the flash that day & when I got to the hospital the surgery center was closed. Even though it was were they told me to go. Had to get a little cheeky with a security guard & end up spending an hour at the hospital getting my blood drawn in the front of the hospital by a lab tech. The rest of my Sunday was spent with Raquita's family watching various children get sugared up on Easter candy & snow cones.
My Monday, surgery day, is a total blur. I lost that day. I only remember the first half before I went into the surgical room & a little afterward when I woke up a few times after. Let me just say this. If you ever find yourself in a position to be the person that is at the bed side of a surgical patient, don't eat anything in front of them. It's rude. Rude & a little cruel. Okay, so Quita & I get to the surgical center in the hospital & my best friend since high school's mom (Momma Sykes) is waiting for us. I wanted Momma Sykes there for a few reasons; 1) she's a registered nurse & I wanted someone there who could read a chart & understand all the medical lingo that was bound to be used while I was in a medicated comma. 2) she's my mom. The closest thing I have here to a maternal figure. She's always been there for me. Sometimes whether I liked it or not. I'm grown up enough to say that I wanted my mommy there, I don't care. Don't judge me. Anyway, when we get to the hospital & I sign in they give me this paging device that lights up & vibrates. So like the nut jobs Raquita & I are we start making jokes. You know, the pagers looked like the ones at Chili's or Macaroni Grill so it was like curb side surgery to go. It was great & it took my mind off the surgery, a little. Now, because one of my best friends & her mother are both registered nurses I concede to a little bias but dude these nurses at Christian NE don't know how to shit. The nurse that was putting in my IV hit the wrong vein or something cause the needle wouldn't go in at all & then it fell out. I don't know about you but if inadiment objects don't have confidence in your capabilities then why should I. I'm just saying.
Disclaimer: The rest of Monday being listed I got second hand so I'm not responsible if the specifics are not all together, um all together.
As it turns out I lost a lot of blood on the table so they pumped my body full of fluids at a really fast pace. Then the chief resident over the cardiovascular department wanted to give me three units of blood to replace what I lost after I got out. My mother politely told him that wasn't going to happen (Big, big flag). But because they had started this process (I think) before they told her my heart rate had gone up really really high. Did I happen to mention that I was in the recovery room for nine hours? And in the course of that nine hour time frame the formidable women I have the absolute humbling pleasure of calling my friends commenced to eloquently curse out a good portion of the Christian NE Hospital staff because they kept me in recovery for so long. Not only that but they kept me on a stretcher & not in a bed. First, they were waiting for a room. When the room was ready they didn't want to move me because of my heart rate. I heard tale no one is normally allowed in the recovery room but my mother persuaded them to change their mind. (Please tell me you see the sarcasm flags, people, please.) I get moved to the observation wing of the cardiovascular floor because of my heart rate till the next morning. My doctor came up the next morning & told them to move me. I stay there two days longer that I wanted to cause they released me on Thursday. I had four small fibroids removed & one great big honking one that weighed six pounds. I call it Fred. I figure anything that was in my stomach for four years & weighs six pounds deserves a name. Hell, I'm trying to get it a social security number so I can claim him as a dependant on my taxes next year. I need the extra money.
So that was my surgery experience. Before this I had never been in a hospital, other than birth. I think I had pneumonia when I was a kid, not sure. It wasn't the most traumatic thing I've ever experienced but it's not something I'd like to do again. Although I've been told I may have to but that's another time. I'm still recovering & there are a few other stories I have. But we'll just call that the recovery saga.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Now where was I....

Hello all. As you can tell by the date I wasn't able to get back as soon as I thought I would but none the less I'm here, surgery is over, & I've got pictures. So you won't have to read the previous post I'll just start over & give you my take on the whole experience.
Let's go back, if you will indulge me a bit, to Friday April 14th. This day was a bit full to say the least. I was finishing up my move from my aunt's house so I still had to clean the room, clean the kitchen (because it was my week to do so), wash the rest of my clothes & pack them, change & wash the sheets. All this needed to be done or at least a fair dent placed before my 10:30am10:30, 1) because my ride forgot she was taking me & had a job interview (totally understandable) and 2) because I just had WAY too much stuff to do. So I call the hospital & reschedule for 2:00pm. Okay, now I'm thinking I can get all the stuff for my aunts house done & out of the way so when I leave her house this time I won't have to come back like I would have if I had gone in the morning. So, on top of rescheduling my blood work I reschedule my hair appointment. I was suppose to get my hair done at 12pm but changed it to 3pm. Fast forward to 1:45 my other friend (who's house I'll be staying) picks me up along with the rest of my belongings & we're off to the hospital for the blood work. Now on the way we get a call from Raquita's grandmother saying we need to call the hospital.

Inner Spoken:
Why do we have to call them when we're on the way there now? And they should know this because I have an appointment.

appointment to get my blood work done at the hospital for surgery on Monday. Needless to say I didn't get to the hospital at
So I call the hospital, & they say I need to pre-registar over the phone. Fine by me so just as I'm finishing we're pulling into the parking in the front of the hospital. Get inside & the lady tells me I need to pre-registar again. When I tell her I already did, she said thier system has gone down I they have to do everything by hand. Not a problem so I registar (again) & then they send me to the surgical center where my blood work needs to be done. Okay, so far so good but this is were everything else that has to deal with my surgery experience gets gift wrapped & delivered to Satin's front door. So I go back to this little room, kinda basic, this where we do all the blood work place & sit down.

Inner Spoken: Don't punk out D. You have two tattoos so you can't get nervous about getting blood drawn. It'll take like two seconds you can leave this place it'll be okay. They look like they've been doing this for a while so you'll be good.

Oh how wrong the inner Spoken was. Now I will totally take the blame for judging a book by its cover. That's on me, I'll take it, that one is my fault. These two broads they have placed my care in have no idea what in the free world (trying to be nice folks) they're doing. The first nurse tries to draw my blood right? I use to facilitate blood drives for my job in Las Vegas on a quarterly basis so I know a little about getting my blood taken. They will normally take the blood from behind my elbow where it bends cause that's were the strongest part of my vain is located. Did this dilapidated piece of flesh do that, no. This women tried to draw blood from the top of were my elbow bends & wonders why it's not coming out fast enough. So she takes out the needle & applies pressure, saying she doesn't want to leave a bruise. She then goes to stick me the righ way & not enough blood comes out so she stops. Then this other geriatric recipient is looking over my charts for Monday & verifying everything. She then makes a little commit about how I won't miss my periods since I'll be getting my hysterectomy on Monday.

Inner Spoken: What the fuck she just say?

"I'm sorry nurse (Whoever you are) I'm not getting a hysterectomy.”
"Well, that's what your chart says. Didn't your doctor discuss with you what was being done?'
"Yes, he did. And I was told that a hysterectomy was only going to be done if there was no option left once they took out the largest of my fibroids. I'm only having a myomectomy. "
"Well, you may want to talk to your doctor then because it says, right here that you're scheduled for a hysterectomy on Monday. Did you want to cal him now?"
"No, I'll call when I leave here."

Inner Spoken: Don't hit her. She's only reading what's on the paper. It's not her fault she has no tact & she may be the one that has to take care of you when you get here on Monday. So don't bink her in the head. That isn't a good lesson for Cammie don't hit the lady in the face. Stay calm, they still haven't taken your blood yet.

Long story short for the hospital they took the blood, after sticking me twice in each arm. Bruised by left arm like I was in a fight & scared the hell out of me. All I may add with a smile on both of they're wrinkled tired faces. Raquita & I leave the hospital & I'm officially in freak out mode because I didn't agree to having all of my female reproductive parts yanked out. I was told by my very foreign doctor that they were going to take the largest of my fibroids out & only if the bleeding couldn't be stopped then I might (might) have to have a hysterectomy.

Please understand I care about friend Raquita like she was blood, I do. But that day she couldn't console me for shit & she was slowly but surely pissing right the fuck on off because I felt like she had the opinion of well you gotta get it done so let's just get it done. The only reason I can think she said this is because she’s gotten comfortable with the fact that all the women in her family has had to have this procedure before they were 40. So she’s resigned in the fact that she may loose her uterus too. I on the other hand am not. I will admit that I can lose my breast & be okay because breast cancer runs in my family. I understand were she was coming from but the tears said something differently. We talk to my doctor's office & my doctor straightened everything out as much as he can. My doctor is really sweet. He's like don't listen to them they don't know what they're talking about. Just listen to me. I want you smiling on Monday.

Inner Spoken: Dude, I didn't want to come to this hospital in the first fuckin place so if I'm not suppose to listen to them then I'ma need you to either talk to then about they're bed side manner or Imo get with them folks & piss everybody off.

Hospital stuff is over & I'm on my way you get my hair done but I need to stop by the bank to get some money to pay my stylist. While I'm there I might as well deposit this check I got for my state income tax. No problem right, uh wrong. Quita is driving so she making my deposit for me she puts my card in the ATM & it doesn't recognize the fact she put my card in. She hits cancel nothing happens

Inner Spoken: Holy shit. Not this to, not today. Do not say whoa is me D, just don't. Get out of the car & try to fix this.

Get out of the car, in the middle of the Drive Thru ATM line & go into the banking center. Talk to the courtesy teller & spend the better part of 45 mins pulling all kinds of strings to get the bank to send me another check card to the banking center under rush shipping. Why is this difficult? Well, first my account is in a different state so they can't give me an emergency ATM card to just get cash & under normal circumstances they will only send the card to the mailing address on file which takes 7-10 business days. Strings pulled my card will be at the bank on next Tuesday. Note. I will be in the hospital when they get it but I don't tell her that.
Just as the courtesy associate is blocking my card to send me a new one, the Brinks security person is at the ATM taking the deposits & would have been able to give me my card back but because the bank has just blocked it, they can't un-block it.

Inner Spoken: Curse you Aqua Scuuummmm. (A Finding Nemo reference)

By the end of the day I get my hair done, get to Legacy, spend time with my poetry family, & thank God that the day was finally over. Am I done? Not by a long shot. I haven't even got to my surgery yet & there was so much more that happened in between the Friday I just posted, the weekend before, & the days after. I figure I've given you enough to read for one day. For those that can rest well.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Please Pass the Poison, part 1

Hey all, haven't posted for a while sinceI've been working like a Hebrew slave trying to accumulate enough OT at the job to earn some extra money. Also, they redid the firewalls at work so it won't let me go to the blogger site to update my post. A lot's been going on since I last posted & I tend to bounce around a bit so forgive me if I seem to go off on tangents, eventually I'll come back to my thought. Hey, I'm an artist. And how many artist do you know that aren't a tainch bit scatter-brained?
Were to begin? The begining would take far to long so I'll just sum up & go from there. My aunt (father's side) allowed me to move into her house a year ago till I could get back on my feet & arrange some things in my life, for which I will forever be eternally greatful. So I've lived there for a year & because of our very different ways to view life we have constanly butted heads. I'm very passive when it comes to my family & I chalk it up to the 'do as I say & not as I do' lessons I learned as a kid that I can't seem to shake. Every once in a while I will shut down & forget that I'm a grown up when dealing with my family & that's I'm allowed to have my own opinions. So I just end up doing what ever it is that was requested of me with out speaking my mind. Anyway, when I came back to St. Louis this go 'round my biggest concern was not getting in the way of my aunt & younger cousin's (14) daily routines & rituals. I just kinda kept to myself which is what I always do when it comes to my family. Let me stop here for a minute cause I need to fast forward to more recent events so I can tie my day together & you'll understand.
Never to be one of those people who mince words or intentionally drag out the obvious but I'm having surgery on Monday. It's kinda major, no matter how I try to downplay it & I had to do some pre-op bloodwork today. Now, what I have is a series of fibrod tumors on and/or in my uterus. The lagest one, per my doctor is about the size of a 7 mos pregnant fetus. Wel, from what my doctor told me he's going to go in & remove trhe larger tumor becuse it eil be the easiest to remove due to the location. The downside to this is that there is a possibility I may have to have my whole uterus removed. Not an option I'm looking forward to but still trying to be a 'glass is half full' kind of gal. So I get to the hospital, & I'm 3 & a half hours late but I did reschedule for the time I was showing up. Now before I get out of the casr is the parking lot I just get off the phone with this lady saying she wanted me to preregister. Now I'm actually in the hospital & the registration lady says I need to preregistar & I'm like "didn't I just finish a phone call to do this" but I digress. And I'm starting to fall asleep at the computer so I will finish this tomorrow. For those that can, rest well.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Oooo & ahhhh people

Man, ya gotta love friends. My super cool (although it pains me to admit it) loser friend Raquita took pity on the new blog kid & made my blog pretty. It still needs a little fine tuning & tweeking but I think she did a really good job. I 'm gonna try to to the tweeking myself (eek!). Hopfully I won't f-up all her hard work trying to 'fixed' or 'add' stuff to my page blog thingy.
Speaking of my loser friend I gottat tell ya, our relationship is love hate to say the least. See we both come from a family where we are the first born so naturally we feel the need to take care of everybody but ourselves. Having sd that the 'hate' part of our friendship comes when she tries to take care of me or help me out & vise versa. Cause I don't want her stinkin help & she doesn't want mine. But like the intelligent, innovative, creatively sexy black women we are, we have delveloped an effective way to decide who gets to be the big sister for the issue at hand & who has to submit & do what the other wants... we play Rock, Paper, or Scissor. Loser has to do what the other one whats. It's quite effective & I highly recommend it when decision making is up in the air. Now my reasone for saying this is because on last night Quita came to pick me up (again I am a vehicular leech, I admit it) but we had to get Cammie (her 1 year old daughter) some milk & breakfast stuff for the week. So we're in the check out line & she forgets her debit card but I have mine. So I offer to just pay for it. She refuses, I insist, she's a loser, I still insist, & she still doesn't want to take it. SO, where does that leave us folks? You guessed, rock, paper, scissor. Now at this point I must inform you that Queue always does the same thing first in this game & unless you pay attention you don't notice. But because she knows I know this, she was visually concetrating way way too hard trying not to go her usual. But being the oh so fabulous best female friend that I am I know her patterns in this game. And once again, Blogvillians, Spoken reigns supreme (insert beauty queen wave here) thank you, thank you. It was the funniest thing that happened all weekend. She's great & if you read her blog she's right, she is disgustingly good at just about everything she tries (it gets annoying, trust). But I think it's only because she neurotic & feels the need to make everything she touches better than it was originally & won't rest untill she occomplishes it. But she's not good at paper, rock scissor. t least not with me (insert snickering hear).

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Yet another set back

Ok, So understanding that the land of Bloggerville doesn't know that much about me yet I'm not going to bore you with all the details all at once but seeing as how I started this blog to vent I'm just gonna launch into my tyraid.
So I recently had a birthday a million & half weeks ago, (i.e. March 2nd), & like all people as they near the 30 milestone I started to reflect over my life. Ya know the things I've accomplished, the things I haven't. What I'm doing with my life that I could be doing different, etc. So, just a little background info; I live in St. Louis but I moved here from Las Vegas. I came here under the suggestion of my aunt (father's side), who said I could live with her till I get on my feet & get my oh-so chaotic life in some semblance of order. I had a car but left it in Vegas so my mother could drive it (such a long story) & my aunt let me drive her car for a little while. However I've been without transportation of my own for a while now & am starting to feel like a vehicular leech to my friends. Although they're great, they pick me up & drop me off at the various places my life leads me.
As this point I need to stop because I've been updating this post all day at work & haven't been able to just type continously so I've been updating & working, updating & working. In the intrium of this particular day I have been at the point of tears in a good way from laughter & in a bad way from being extremely infuriated. So now there is no point in me contiuing in detail because it is no longer that important to me. It is but right now it isn't. Here we go, basically I applied for a car loan & didn't get so I was really bumbed. I imposed on one of my friends (yet again) & they gave me a ride to work. At work I have been yelled at by just about everybody above (& some below) me for things I didn't do but because my job requires me to get these things serviced, & notated properly, I have get the oh so pleasant task (insert sarcastic voice here) cleaning up other peoples foul ups (again trying to keep it as G rated as possible folks).
I'm 'officially' at the end of my rope. If one mor bad thing happens somebody is going to get the business. Lord, please have mercy & forgive me in advance for whom ever that poor individual happens to be cause they will catch all of it. The only funny thing that happened today was that my loser friend Raquita came by my job right at my lunch time so we went to Walgreens to get some tea. She went to open the door to the store & it polite request patrons to 'pull' the door open & she tried to push the door open. It was the funniest shit I had seen all day. However on the flip side of that the only reason she was even anywhere near my job (when she lives on the south side & I work in North County) is because her husbands plane was delayed due to a flat tire in Chicago. He's been gone for the last 10 days out of the country & they are quite possibly the most sickingly adorable couple I've ever had the misfourtune to call my friends. By the time I am finally able to finish this post she will probably have her ass in the air (which I am woman enough to admit I'm a bit jealous, just a bit).
The more I sit here & type this all out the more I think this blog thing may not be so bad. At the very least I get to showcase all the truly embarrassing & geeky things my friend does that she won't put on her own blog. This blog thing is looking better all the time.

Later Blogvillians (?)

Monday, March 27, 2006

Blogger Virgin 101

Hello out there in the blogging world. This is my first offical post on my new blog. The only reason I even started a blog was because one of my very best girlfriends Raquita (who you will get use to me talking about in the future, possibly being referred to as a Geek-a saurus Rex ) suggested I get one since I go to her & her husbands blog on a not so daily basis & will leave comments under annonymous. Also, she though it might be theriputic to unload my thoughts, fears, & random nothingness on a bunch of unknown aquantices in the wonderful would or cyberspace. (I'm a little old & out dated, do the kids still call it that)?
Anyway, in the very near future I will have nothing to do but to sit on my fat backside, surf the net (they still use that one too?), & find new & interesting ways to enjoy myself (keeping it PG, of course). She has allowed me to invade her home, space, & family since I will be having a semi-minor surgery around the middle of next month. So I figured I might as well get the kinks out of this blog thing so I can be a full on expert by the time she doesn't allow me to leave her house for four weeks. Torture. I'm not sit still kind of person for too long so I don't know how this is going to work. I'm sure we'll end up fighting eventually. But it's okay, usually our arguments end up sounding like fourth graders. Ya, know calling each other stupid & loser etc. She's great, sometimes I think (no I know) I don't deserve her as a friend.
So, I'm not sure if I'm suppose to put my backgroud history stuff in a blog entry or in my profile? Hell, I don't know. Besides I don't think I'm ready to share all that stuff yet anyway. It's my first day, gimme some slack people. I guess that's it for now. Hopefully once I've mastered the PC world (?) I'll figure out how to link pictures and links & stuff. Yeah, I don't know how to do anything but check my email, get to the sites were I know my favorire games are, & search for stuff. That's it, but I'm still learning.