Won't you take me to Funky Town
Sooo, just about everybody I know is in a bit of a funk, including myself, I'm a little depressed to admit. We all have our varied reasons but I find that since I can't get myself out of myown funk I can't help my friends. I can't seen to get a handle around what it is specifically it just seems as though there are a lot of little things growing into a big thing that I can't stop from happening. It's a familiar feeling though, I know what's coming & the last time it happend I end up losing some really great people that I considered family. To be fair to myself though I did warn them when it was coming & like the great people that are they said they were going to fight me for me & not allow me to get away from them but they lost. I fell & we're not as close as we use to be. The mother of one of these formidable people died & I wasn't able to console her in any way. I did call though to let her hear my voice & show what little support I could but I haven't talked to them, really talked to them in a long time. Sometimes I find that I miss them more than I ever wanted to admit to myself. The fault is mine & mine alone but I miss them none the less.
I've been trying to get a car now for the last few weeks & it hasn't been successful. I now my credit is bad but as Raquita pointed out there are people out there driving Escalades & Navagators that work at McDonalds. So why can't I get one? I don't even want anything that big just something I can drive around in long enough to get a better job thus getting a better car. I'm trying to be positive but it isn't working. I try to be an outward pessimist but an inward optimist however puting good thoughts in the universe has to be done verbally, I think, & right now my mind can't harnest enough positive energy to do th at. And the funk deepends...
So I come back to this post the folloing day on 5/17 after I stopped updating the people I'm staying with came home. Now I tried my best to kind of straighten up a bit & hope it was effective. Still in my funk I go to lay down. Laying down didn't work so I went for a walk. A Forest Gump kind of walk. At first I was only going to go to the end of the block but then I thought I would walk a few blocks to my friends house, remembered that I didn't know the house number so I just kept walking. Before I got to the end of the street Quita calls I tell her I'm fine & continue walking. I end up at Tower Grove park & still I walk. I walk until I feel alone enough that the only witnesses to my grief are the trees & they wouldn't tell. I hate it when I cry & figured the farther I was from the house the more it was okay if I did. I learned at a young age how to cry silently so no one would hear me. I walk back to the house.
I wish I knew how to help my friend. She is by far a better woman than I am on so many levles. I told herr once that I was a fraud. I only throw money at my friends problems. I know all of these amazing amazing people & there are times were I think they'll find out that I'm not nearly as cool as they are & they'll ask me to leave. Kinda like I'm crashing a party that I for serriously wasn't invited to & will mingle here & there inthe coversations but no enough for anyone to know that I'm not suppose to be there for real. I don't care what Tina Marie says I hate Funky Town.
I've been trying to get a car now for the last few weeks & it hasn't been successful. I now my credit is bad but as Raquita pointed out there are people out there driving Escalades & Navagators that work at McDonalds. So why can't I get one? I don't even want anything that big just something I can drive around in long enough to get a better job thus getting a better car. I'm trying to be positive but it isn't working. I try to be an outward pessimist but an inward optimist however puting good thoughts in the universe has to be done verbally, I think, & right now my mind can't harnest enough positive energy to do th at. And the funk deepends...
So I come back to this post the folloing day on 5/17 after I stopped updating the people I'm staying with came home. Now I tried my best to kind of straighten up a bit & hope it was effective. Still in my funk I go to lay down. Laying down didn't work so I went for a walk. A Forest Gump kind of walk. At first I was only going to go to the end of the block but then I thought I would walk a few blocks to my friends house, remembered that I didn't know the house number so I just kept walking. Before I got to the end of the street Quita calls I tell her I'm fine & continue walking. I end up at Tower Grove park & still I walk. I walk until I feel alone enough that the only witnesses to my grief are the trees & they wouldn't tell. I hate it when I cry & figured the farther I was from the house the more it was okay if I did. I learned at a young age how to cry silently so no one would hear me. I walk back to the house.
I wish I knew how to help my friend. She is by far a better woman than I am on so many levles. I told herr once that I was a fraud. I only throw money at my friends problems. I know all of these amazing amazing people & there are times were I think they'll find out that I'm not nearly as cool as they are & they'll ask me to leave. Kinda like I'm crashing a party that I for serriously wasn't invited to & will mingle here & there inthe coversations but no enough for anyone to know that I'm not suppose to be there for real. I don't care what Tina Marie says I hate Funky Town.
posted by Spoken at 5/15/2006 09:33:00 PM
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